10 Ways in Which I Live in a Zoo

When you live with Noah, there is no need to go to the zoo: you can experience a range of animals every day. Here are ten animals you will see at the zoo that is my three year old son:

  1. The Cat

Noah has always reminded me of a cat when he is asleep. He sleeps on his side with his arms stretched out in front of him, his little eyes squeezed to slits. He looks just like a cat basking in the sunlight. He is also a light sleeper like a cat, ready to jump from his slumber at the slightest disturbance.

Three week old Noah
Three week old Noah
Do you see any resemblance?
Do you see any resemblance?
  1. The Dog

In particular, I am thinking of a Pluto. His tongue is always hanging out of his mouth. He likes to bound up to you and knock you over. Then there is his recent fascination with licking people on the face, or if you have your hands over your face for protection, the hands or arms. For purposes of accuracy, Pluto is a cross-breed dog but was a bloodhound in his first cartoon (thanks Wikipedia!).

Where's Pluto?
Where’s Pluto?
  1. The Donkey

He has perfected the donkey kick, a sly little kick administered swiftly and accurately to deter innocent mummies or daddies who are trying to get him dressed.

Put my pyjamas on? I don't think so!
Put my pyjamas on? I don’t think so!
  1. The Bear Cub

Oh, yes, the bear cub is small and adorable. But don’t be fooled by appearances. Just like a bear cub, Noah will lash out. He is untamed. He will bite you. He will claw at you. And all because you dared to get up in his space (i.e. when you removed your mobile phone from his grubby paw because he had to get in the bath/eat dinner/go to nursery or just because his eyes were going a bit square). Beware the bear cub.

Touch my teddy and you will be very sorry...
Touch my teddy and you will be very sorry…
  1. The Parrot

Like most three year olds, Noah has a tendency to repeat what other children or adults say as if they are his own words. The parrot is currently referring to me, his loving mother, as “Poo-poo”. When I remonstrate with him about this, he informs me so-and-so at nursery calls people a poo-poo and no level of reasoning or punishment will make him stop saying it.

Of course, it can be hilarious. When I was blocking my dad’s way last week, he said, “Excuse me, darling.” Noah (as usual) was following in my Dad’s wake. “Excuse me darling, Mummy,” he repeated.

Noah is a parrot with a good memory. Poker faced, he repeats lines from television programmes (usually Peppa Pig). We were in the middle of painting dinosaurs this week when he stood up and said, “Mummy, I’m just going to do a wee-wee. Back in a tick!” Back in a tick? I thought incredulously. Where has he got that from? Later on, I heard it on Mr. Maker.

Back in a tick!
Back in a tick!
  1. The Hamster

If you have ever had a hamster, you may have woken at 3am to hear the rhythmic patter of miniscule feet as it pounded its little running mill. Like the hamster, Noah is a nocturnal creature and, like a hamster, Noah likes to play with his toys in the middle of the night. We find ourselves woken at 3 am by Buzz Lightyear (“I come in peace”), or by Woody (“There’s a snake in my boot” – what does that even mean???), or by a dragon relentlessly attacking Noah’s cupboard, or by Happyland figures deep in conversation, or by any toy Noah’s arm can reach out and grab. Unlike other nocturnal animals, Noah does not sleep during the day to make up for his night-time activities.

To infinity! And beyond!
To infinity! And beyond!
  1. The Caterpillar

By caterpillar, I mean the hungry caterpillar. It is not unusual for Noah to have porridge, toast, fruit and a yogurt before going to kindergarten for breakfast number two.

Seven months old and a roast potato in each hand
Seven months old and a roast potato in each hand
16 months enjoying fish and chip supper
16 months enjoying fish and chip supper
Any more cake?
Any more cake?
  1. The Kangaroo

He will jump at you unexpectedly. When you enter our apartment building, there are four steps down to the lift. Noah sometimes springs from the top step, trusting I will catch him at the bottom. I need to drop whatever I am holding, whatever it is made of, in order to catch him. There have been broken eggs, squashed strawberries and a smashed bottle of olive oil.

Watch out Mummy, here I come!
Watch out Mummy, here I come!
  1. The Deer

I am thinking of Bambi (this is as far as my knowledge of deer extends). Bambi snuggles right up to his Mummy as they sit in the woods. Noah likes to do this when he is watching television/Youtube. It’s cute. It’s great. I know he won’t do it forever, probably not for that much longer actually. He will grow up like Bambi to be the stag, the Prince of the Forest.

Pass the ipad
Pass the ipad
  1. The Dinosaur

For the purposes of this blog, a dinosaur is an animal. I don’t expect you would see one at a zoo but I will include it anyway. Noah has perfected the “ROAR!”. This is how I get his back teeth clean: I ask him to roar, he obliges and quickly I stick the toothbrush in. Sometimes, if I ask him to say hello to someone we bump into in the street, he will roar at them instead of speaking.

ROOOOOAAAAARRRR!
ROOOOOAAAAARRRR!

From donkey or dinosaur, I love you, my Noah.

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